Life is meaningless

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A Monologue

By Sally Gao

March 24, 2006

EWC 4U1-02

Sometimes I wonder if the sky will fall down on me, if the sun will never shine, if the moon will never come out, and if life will end forever.  I wish that I never have to think about the impossible but in the world I live, thinking is just a part of human nature.  

What is the purpose of living if at the end of it all, we all die.  Nothing is forever.  Not even the earth.  Time is the lengthiest existence of life.  But what if it stops moving forward?  Will the earth freeze?  Will I freeze?  Will life be over forever?  Will living organisms on the planet remain for as long as time shall let it?  I wonder who the last human being standing will be, if life comes to a closing one day….or not.  

Everything should be the way it is.  No surprises, no mysteries, no scandals.  Simply the way it is.  I wish I didn’t have to play by the rules or follow the book.  No matter what happens in life we are all doomed.  Everything has an ending.  Life ends for all of us.  We eventually leave this beautiful earth and the rest is up to imagination.  I wonder what would happen if humans could live forever.  What if we never ran into life’s misfortunes and get to live for eternity?  The earth would probably be too small to carry such a massive population of people.  

Two days ago I met an elderly lady at the age of 98.  She was sitting in a wheelchair and it looked like her granddaughter was pushing her in the chair.  The elder woman looked as wrinkled as my kitchen towel and when she reached out her hand I saw brown freckles everywhere on the back of her skin.  Her hair was bleached white and she held a long crane in her hands. Her granddaughter tried to steady her in the wheelchair but the elderly lady was shaking like a leaf in the wheelchair.  Her head was shaking so much that I felt dizzy just watching her.  I wonder what her journey on earth must have been like.  Did she get to experience the world to the fullest?  At her age, she must have undergone some major events and challenges.  I wonder if she fears death or if she’s at all prepared for it.

What is the meaning of life if it all ends anyway?  Life is not forever.  It can’t be for humanity.  There is just no way.  What matters to me is what will happen to me after I leave earth.  Where will my soul go?  Do I actually have a spirit?  I suppose I will never know until the right time comes.  I believe that my fate and everybody’s fate around the world is pre-determined by a higher power.  I cannot change it, only live by it.  

At this point in my life, I should experience life to the fullest.  There is no time for pulling back from my freedom now.  Life doesn’t last.  I can’t even imagine if it did.  I must enjoy life and accept everything for the way they are.  If life has any meaning, I will make sure I figure it out before I die.  When the time comes for me to go, I pray that an angel will be there to carry me in her wings to a new shelter.

Backstory:

Name: Gary Goldman

Age: 32 

Nationality: American

Ethnicity: Israeli 

Religion: None (Gary is atheist)

Birth date: June 2nd, 1973

Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York

Occupation: Professor of Theology at Columbia University

Marital status: Married, with two children

Gary is an atheist who comes from a strict and disciplined Jewish family.  He is born in the 70s and works as a salesman in real estate.  He has a close relationship with his grandfather and a strong emotional tie with his mother.  However, he and his father do not get along at all.  One night, he became drunk in a bar and got caught up in the middle of a bar fight between a wrestler and his best friend, Joe.  He tried to protect Joe from getting beaten up but instead he got a painful beating himself.  Gary now has a faint scar on his nose that did not heal properly after his injury.  He is tremendously ashamed of his                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    actions that night and doesn’t take pride in beating people up.

Gary is afraid of death.  He is especially afraid of losing his family members to any natural reason and does not want to split part from his family.  His dream is to have his children grow up to become wise, intelligent, and successful individuals so that all the time and effort he sweated by raising his two children paid off.  He also dreams to write a book about his theory of evolution and be the first man to understand the true meaning of life.  Gary sees himself as a down to earth and sincere kind of guy.  He wants to be a decent husband for his wife and kids and he always puts his family first.   Others see him as prudent, self-disciplined, and egocentric.  He is not aware of the fact that he comes off as cold to some of his colleagues because he gives cold stares all the time.  He knows a lot about himself because he has a strong sense of individuality and identity.  His political point of view or philosophy is that the tragedy of life is that it ends, and life is ultimately meaningless if one will die anyway.  Gary is willing to die for the sake of his children.  His two young children mean the world to him and he would move heaven and earth to protect them and make sure that they are in good shape.  

Gary also does not believe in the existence of God or in any other defining principle.  He thinks that people are free to do act as they choose.  Thus, he has existentialist views about life.